PIECES, PARTS AND PLACES; AN ARCHIVAL EXPLORATION

Abstract

The first day of preschool I cried so much, my teacher had to ask my mom to pick me up early. I took my mom’s hand, looked her in the eye and told her, “get my lunch box, were never coming back here.” This was the first day I can remember feeling debilitating anxiety; it felt like everything was folding in on me. I was three years old. This feeling continued on through out primary school. It wasn't till, fourth grade that it manifested itself to its full extent; I created the belief that my mom was going to die in a car accident. I was convinced that it was going to happen.I woke up every morning thinking this would be the day. I could think about it all day, and I did. It began interfering with my focus in school, my friends and my ability to feel free. While this was the year that the most painful obsessive thought process surfaced, it was also the year that I was liberated. I auditioned for my first musical. All the fourth grade girls tried out for the part of Gretl in the Sound of Music. I can remember our small bodies lined up in a row singing “the sun has gone to bed and so must I ”. Long story short, I got the part. This was the start of my process of using art as an avenue to cope and heal. Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I was studying Interior Design in Philadelphia. I was always terrified to go to college. When my parents left me in my dorm room, it felt almost like that day my mom dropped me off at preschool. Everyday was harder than the next. Until, I called my mom at 8pm January 12th, 2017. I told her that I couldn't do it anymore. My mom got in the car at 8:30pm and arrived in Philadelphia at 11:30pm. We packed up my room and as we were walking out the door she took my hand and said “ were gonna figure this out together”. I returned to my home town of Cold Spring at 3:30 am. My dad was sleeping on the sofa, he awoke and said “were so happy to have you home.”

Transfering to Purchase, has completely changed the trajectory of my life. I have met incredibly talented, kind and curious people who have pushed me to learn and create. While my anxiety is still always with me, it has shifted shapes. Most importantly it has brought me to this path. I am growing, becoming more self aware. I lose my footing often, but I always come back into my body.

My senior project will be a multidisciplinary and multi media project. An exploration of how art and creative expression is used as a form of therapy. I will research larger entities that serve as non profits with a mission of using art as therapy. In addition, I will talk to the community at Purchase; creating a podcast that will server as interview based research. Finally, I will bring it to a personal level. In March/April, I will be holding my own visual arts show in the Forum Art Space in the Stood. I plan to base it around the theme of healing; it will be a collection of works that I have made these last three years. All pieces that came from both low and high points. I hope to have a live performance from musicians on campus for the opening.