Notes from the Other Side of the Eternal Hereafter: Non-Binary Reflections on Feminine Coding and Socialization

Abstract

This paper is a semi-autobiographical account of non-binary gender identity, providing a written narrative of my personal process in reckoning with how my identity has been formed and the ways in which this formation has been incongruent with the identity I now hold. By critically analyzing the feminine socialization I have undergone and the feminine coding my body still receives, taking special consideration to include the social spheres that have been most impactful on my sense of self, I outline how learned ‘womanhood’ has impacted the ways in which I inhabit my body and operate within it. I do so by first delving into my conservative Christian upbringing and involvement in the dance world as a pre-professional, showcasing how these influences have shaped my lived experiences. I then contextualize these accounts under the lens of my identity as a non-binary individual, speaking on how they have and, in a way, continue to inhibit me from wholly occupying this identity and communicating it to others. From there, I introduce the idea of dance serving as a means of establishing and communicating congruent gender-queer identity, summarizing my experience attempting to do so within the creation of my senior project work for my BFA in Dance. Although this essay does not reach any concrete conclusions, it ultimately serves as a road map to my personal experience with unlearning the hegemonic womanhood I was taught to fulfill as well as a springboard for further thought on dance as a means of developing and conveying non-binary identities.